Codependency is a common relational issue that is widely misunderstood. Codependent relationships are one-sided and dysfunctional. One person takes on the role of giver, repeatedly compromising their boundaries, needs, and well-being for the sake of the other person. In the same way we often characterize addictive thinking and behavior, codependency can be described on a continuum, varying from slightly unhealthy to extreme. In its most subtle form, codependency can present itself as people pleasing, but in extreme circumstances, it can enable toxic and self-destructive behaviors.
Now let’s debunk some common misconceptions about codependency:
Myth: Codependency means I’m weak.
Codependency is learned. Those who struggle with codependency come from homes of dysfunction, often enduring the unpredictable behaviors of an addict parent, sibling or spouse, or chronic mental/physical illness. Being in a family that models toxic relationship behaviors (i.e., permissive/aggressive thinking and verbiage, manipulation, poor communication, values “image” above all else) fosters the tendency to repeat these normalized but unhealthy behaviors in adulthood. Codependency is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it more often means that the person has had to endure and overcome relational adversity and childhood trauma. Codependents are often just behaving in the same way their parental figures did—it’s how they learned to interact with others!
Myth: Codependency only impacts relationships involving addiction.
Understood through the framework of addiction, the “codependent” is usually known as the counterpart to the addict, i.e., the one enabling the behavior. However, this isn’t always the case. Codependency can manifest in various relationships, including romantic, platonic, and familial.
Non-Addictive Relationships: Codependency can occur in a relationship without substance abuse. For example, it can happen in a friendship where one person becomes overly involved in their friend’s personal or professional struggles, sacrificing their own well-being in the process.
Family Dynamics: Codependency is common in family relationships, especially in families where one member takes on a caretaker role. This can perpetuate cycles of dependency and hinder the individual growth of other members in the family.
Myth: I can’t heal from codependency.
Many people believe that once they’ve developed codependent behaviors, they’re stuck with them forever. Healing, though gradual, is possible! It involves learning how to better communicate effectively, healthily assert oneself, and ultimately develop a strong sense of self-worth.
Recognizing codependent behaviors is the first step to healing. By identifying patterns and triggers, individuals can start to make mindful choices that promote healthier relationships. Joining support groups like Codependents Anonymous (CODA) and Alanon can provide further encouragement and understanding. Hearing and sharing “experiences, strength and hope” with others who struggle with codependency can reinforce the idea that recovery from codependency is possible.
Higher Ground Recovery specializes in developing a healthy framework for relationships and are ready to help. Give us a call today to schedule an appointment or just to ask us questions about treatment.